Maid of Honour Speech for Your Sister: No Biggie.

Your sister is getting married. You're the Maid of Honour and your speech is one of the most anticipated moments of the reception. 

Everybody knows it’s the bride's sister who’s got the full inside scoop. The dirt. The juicy stories. The memories, sweet, spicy and (uh oh) revealing. 

Three to five minutes with a mic in that role is no joke, because of the high expectations. We assume you’ll have us all laughing, crying and wishing we were you while you do it. Unfortunately for you, viral sister-of-the-bride speech videos taught us it’s your job to meet or exceed that bar. 

So yeah. No pressure or anything.

Listen, I’ve written thousands of speeches over my 20 year career in PR and communications, okay? Everything from brief remarks, to head-of-state addresses and CEO keynotes to eulogies and now weddings, so I say this not to frighten you, but to validate your worries: the Maid of Honour speech from the sister of the bride, is the highest-pressure of them all.

I’m Canadian, so I face fines if I don’t say this: sorry. You’ve got your work cut out for you.

Now that I'm in the wedding industry as a Marriage Commissioner and owner of Brick & Vow Urban Elopements, I’ve merged the professional writing and wedding worlds. I plan and officiate ceremonies where I live, and I write custom wedding vows, all wedding speeches and ceremony scripts for clients anywhere in the world. 

I learned how to get to the speaker’s story by learning how they think and speak. Then I learn what their audience needs, and find the through-line. It’s how I write for other people so they deliver something that is authentic to them. 

If after reading that you’re wondering if someone can just do it for you, someone certainly can. It's me. I’m someone. If you’d like to know more you can connect with me here. 

But, if you’re still determined to write it yourself, I’m absolutely delighted and plan to help you. In this article I’m going to outline the techniques I've used professionally for two decades. I haven't seen these taught anywhere online, and they've served me well across my career.

Ready to write a winning Maid of honour speech for your sister, Padawan?

Let's begin.

Speak, don't write.

Talk.

Seriously. Writing is hard. Have a casual conversation and record it. It prevents flashing-cursor-on-blank screen syndrome that has stolen the livelihood of too many already. This is how you bypass the writer's block.

Speak into your phone like you're telling the best friend who loves your stories your funniest and best tales about your sister. Ramble. Interrupt yourself. Laugh halfway through a story. Cry. Do not perform. Forget about grammar and structure or organized thoughts.

Stream-of-consciousness chatter helps you remember long lost bibs and bobs. Let your subconscious speak freely. There’s gold in them thar hills. 

Did you double check that you’re recording? You didn’t? That's okay. Hit record now and continue from where you are. All is not lost. Five minutes, twenty. An hour. Go until it stops pouring out of you.

I use OBS Studio (free), Audacity (also free), or Loom (free trials, some conditions). Whatever gets your voice recorded will do just fine.

Transcribe it.

Yep, the entire mess, tangents, filler words and all. All the fragmented sentences and thoughts you abandoned halfway, all of it.

Loom has a slick automatic transcription feature, but I get the same results with an extra couple of steps by uploading recordings to a YouTube set to private, and then use its transcript feature to copy and paste everything into a document.

It should look like a hot mess. Edit nothing.

Mine the beats.

This sounds more technical than it is. Beats are the moments energy has built up to. Where it culminates and creates a response like laughter, tearing up, hesitating because something felt like an aha moment—that’s the beat. These give your Maid of Honour speech heart, meaning, emotions and a rhythm.

Think back to when you were just talking and recording. Does anything make you cry or laugh? Control+F any key words you used to get find it those moments. Highlight them. These are your beats in raw form.

Everything that leads into a beat is called a build. Professional speechwriters spend enormous amounts of time trying to manufacture this tension. Casual conversations do it naturally. Highlight the build for every beat, too. You don’t have to build them, isn’t that cool? This is why speaking first works so well.

Three or four great beats are plenty for a 5 minute wedding speech. You may have dozens. That’s fine. You’ll pick out the best ones in the next step.

If you can't find beats, don't try to invent them. Go back and tell the stories again or new ones. Remember to tell them like you're talking to a friend, not like you’re delivering a speech. If you’re still struggling, a quick walk down memory lane can help. Go through some old photos or listen to nostalgic music to jog them loose. They're in there. Promise.

Cut the Chaff

If you didn't grow up in a farming community (like I did), you'll need a quick lesson on threshing.

When wheat is harvested, it's beaten and crushed so the grain (the valuable part) is separated from the chaff, the tough, useless husk wrapped around it. See where I'm going with this?

Everything you recorded except for the parts you highlighted, is chaff. Cut it. I mean it.

(If you must, you may dump them into a separate document, as long as you don't go sneaking back in because that ten part mini-series about the family camping trip feels suddenly relevant. It isn't. I checked.) 

Anatomy of a Speech

There’s no need for you to figure out a new way to deliver a speech so it's unforgettable or amazing. They've worked the same way for centuries because this format works, so there's no need to try to reinventing them.

You know what Pablo Picasso said about rules? “Learn them like a pro so you can break them like an artist.”

You’re not pro until at least your second speech. Trust the format I’m sharing. 

The standard format for a 3-5 minute speech has four parts: 

1. Greeting and introduction (30 seconds)

Tell people who you are. Your sister's new in-laws, the groom's university roommate and his second cousin twice removed have no idea who you are. Don’t assume everyone knows you're the bride's sister, just because you're the Maid of Honour. Welcome them.

2. Acknowledgements and thank yous (about a minute)

Get a full guest list and a copy of the reception itinerary well in advance so you know who to include here. If any changes on the day-of could impact your speech, cross check details at the start of reception. 

Thank the person who introduced you or spoke before you. (Traditional order is Father of the Bride, Best Man, MOH then couple.) If your dad has already spoken, this is a perfect opportunity for a gentle jab, especially if he absolutely crushed his speech and you're wondering how this man who, until now, only knew dad jokes, suddenly became Kevin Hart. This sets the tone and teaches the room how to listen to you.

Acknowledge and welcome guests who travelled a long way, grandparents and close family from both sides. 

3. Your story (2-3 minutes)

This is where your beats go. This is the meat of your speech and deserves it's own section (SPOILER: it gets one later).

4. Close (30 seconds)

It’s time to bring it home. Circle back to your sister. Share the hope you've always had for her, or the quality you've always admired most in her. Thank her partner for loving her so well, for becoming part of your family and then zoom back out. Wish them a lifetime of happiness together. Then invite everyone to raise a glass and join you in a toast to the happy couple. 

Joke Writing:

The biggest mistake when writing jokes is trying to be funny. Funny stories are funny. Funny stories that are overwritten become less funny. Nothing’s more funny than real life. Tell it like it happened. Restructure maybe, but don’t add. 

The simplest  jokes to write are pivots. Spend thirty seconds building one serious moment and finish the unexpected. If you only learn one comedy technique, learn pivots. One or two, properly built, can carry an entire speech. 

Some of the best jokes involve audio-visuals. Photos. Audio recordings. Video. If you have them to accompany or support the jokes in your speech keep technical set up, issues and timing in mind. 

Light-hearted jabs are fun and safest when you make yourself your own target. Self-deprecating humour has almost no risk of hurt feelings, and audiences love someone who can laugh at themselves. If you wonder if you've crossed a line you probably have.

Building Your Maid of Honour Speech for Your Sister

Remember those highlighted beats? This is where they become the body of your speech.

Leave the beats and builds to do the heavy lifting. Edit your builds to just the important details. Fill in around the beats with more story. No more storiessss (plural).

Don’t pack in more funny or unrelated memories. One story. One throughline. The beats support that story. 

For example:

Maybe your sister was gloriously disorganized growing up. You fought about it constantly. Then she met her partner. Suddenly she's colour-coding calendars. Packing lunches and remembering birthdays to impress him. She can’t keep it up. You placed bets as to when he'd end up phoning you in frustration asking for your expert tips to survive with her.

Except he finds it adorable. Turns out he loves cleaning.

One beat was a story about your sister’s early messiness.

The next one is emotional, because she  struggled with it.

The joke isn't that she was messy. It’s that she managed to find the one person on a planet of 7 billion who considers it a personality trait worth falling in love with.

Find the common thread in your beats. That’s where your story lives. Every beat should move that forward. 

Read your entire beats section aloud. You’ll hear what’s not working. Revise. Maybe reorder. Time it. If you’re running long, you need to do what writers refer to as killing your darlings. You spent hours on a section and you love it, I get it, but it’s diluting the rest of the speech.

You get 4 minutes max. here, make every syllable earn its place. Be ruthless and cut. Your speech will be much stronger for it. 

Technical Crafting

Now that the writing is finalized, think about delivery.

I build five-minute speeches in a standard Word or Google Doc (8.5” x 11”) in 12 pt.Times New Roman font (Yawn). One  full page is around 600-650 words. We read about 120-150 words per minute aloud, or between 600 and 750 words for a five minute speech. In short, everything you say should fit mostly onto one page.

(Just about done with the word-nerding, you've just got to stay awake through another couple...of...paragraphs, just ...hold..on...)

Learn as much as you can about your set up beforehand. If you’re at a podium with a built-in mic, you might build on cards in a large, readable font. If you’re using a hand-held mic, cards don’t work. If you're speaking outdoors, you’ll want cards or pages inside sleeves and a binder—wind is the enemy of loose pages. Number all your pages.

Note intentional pacing with ellipses (...) for pauses (“You guessed it … It was her own smelly foot!”) or carry text over to the next page.  Use box brackets [ ] for instructions that won’t be said aloud [DRINK WATER] [PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER], or to write a pronunciation (Matthew [mick-CON-a-hay]). 

Thanks for sticking with me through this. I promise it pays off in the end if you read it and then actually do it.

Always Have a Backup

Never have only one copy of your speech. If you handwrite it, take photos and keep them on your phone. If it's on your phone, carry a back up of printed cue cards.If it's on cue cards, email a copy to yourself. Knowing you have a back up prepared creates space for you to actually enjoy the day with your sister instead of fixating on everything that could nuke your speech. 

Rehearse More Than You Think You Need To

Practice, practice, practice.

Your goal is to know your speech so freeaaaking well that your notes serve as prompts instead of a script. Reduce it down to cue cards if you can. Then reduce each section to a single bullet point. You'll sound natural because you'll be speaking to the room instead of reading. 

If you do use photos, videos or audio clips, rehearse those too, including what you'll do if they fail. Because technology fails.

If public speaking makes you anxious, practise in front of people before the wedding. The more prepared you are, the less room anxiety has to take over.

Be prepared. There will still be nerves. That's completely normal. 

But by the time you’re up at the mic you’ll already have realized you didn’t write a speech about childhood, or arguments, or inside jokes, though it may seem like it through the belly laughing and touching moments as your sister holds back tears. 

You shared something with a room of people that is true and cherished from inside of you. And they won't know how much care you put into every deliberate detail and beat, because you made it look natural and effortless. They glimpsed of a few perfect snapshots of a love you’ve carried your whole life, and they felt it, too. That's how you write and deliver a damn good Maid of Honour speech for your sister.

Raise your glass and take a breath.

You crushed it.

Much Love,

Carmen

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